REFLECTIONS ⎜ FILM ⎜ BLACK SWAN

"We all know the story. 

Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom 

but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a 

prince, but before he can declare his love her lustful twin, the black swan, tricks 

and seduces him. Devastated the white swan leaps off a cliff killing 

herself and, in death, finds freedom." 

- Thomas Leroy

This hauntingly beautiful film is directed by Darren Aronofsky (2010) and is mostly 

considered a psychological thriller, and as Aronofsky says himself; contains elements 

of horror, paranoia and drama which have connected and come together.

The film touches upon a variety of feelings and themes such as pursuit of perfection, loss 

of innocence, mental illness, identity and sexuality. But the first thing that comes to mind is 

the loss of innocence. The fragile being Nina has literally been the white swan her whole 

life, as she seems to have suppressed other desires and feelings such as her own sexuality, 

her own sense of identity and personality, as she seems to be sheltered by her over-protective 

mother which conveys the message that Nina can only be truly safe in the presence of her 

mother, by staying home behind closed doors. 

We first see Nina presented as this fragile, anxious little girl, desperately looking for 

approval by always doing what she has been told, the right thing. In her meeting with her 

new teacher and director Thomas Leroy her view of what is seen as "perfection", - what 

she has aspired to become her whole life, is turned upside-down. Playing the roles for 

Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake has been her dream for long, yet unaware of what the play 

will reveal about her own self. 

Her fragility and sadness genuinely shines through in her role as the white swan, her state 

of mind being constantly tense, fearful and melancholic. It all comes along very naturally. 

But what about the other part, the evil twin - the seductive black swan?

In her world of innocence/adolescence there's a darkness lurking 

underneath, the blood, the scratching on her back and the encounters with her evil 

doppelgänger that seems to be haunting her, all is gradually floating up to the surface 

throughout the film. Her psychological journey is about to unfold in the meeting of 

her complete opposite, her fellow ballet dancer Lily. She's everything Nina isn't and 

what she now so desperately aspires to be; tough, charismatic, sensual and has 

the ability of effortlessly let herself loose in her dancing. From the start Lily 

seductively functions as a bite for Nina, to evoke her darker desires and feelings.

The more she immerses herself into the role of the black swan, the more she 

becomes it herself. But due to her lack of self-esteem and haunting fear, the lines 

between reality and her own delusions starts to blur. Nina is haunted by fear in 

everything she does, which develops into a paranoia, from her constant obsession 

of approval and perfection, also being extra anxious about the strong competition 

for the the role, especially from Lily, that she might steal her role or surpass her. 

- But her strive for perfection is merely based on an illusion which along with her

distorted reality, contains destruction in order to achieve the perfection she's 

aiming for.

Thomas Leroy: 

"The final act. Your final dance! You've tasted your dream. Touched it! Only to

have it crushed. Your heart is broken. Wounded! Your life force fading. The blood 

drips. The black swan stole your love! There is only one way to end the pain. 

You're not fearful, but filled with acceptance! And you look down at Rothbart 

and then at the Prince. And then yes, the audience! And then you jump!"

This act, this tragedy, becomes Nina's destiny too, and can also be seen as a visual 

representation that is perceived as a metaphor of being a true artist; that you have to 

live it and breathe it, sacrifying your own self, getting lost in it for not only to 

create, but to become the artwork itself.

I'm still left with a lot of questions...

What was this darkness? This evil twin? Does it represent her fear of feelings she has 

suppressed for long, which had developed into some inner demons she had to let go of in 

a pursuit of freedom?

(Was destruction her only doorway to freedom?)  

There's many takes on this, - did this persona reveal to some degree her true self? Or did 

she use the role to channel her emotions, her struggles, as way of enabling herself to let 

loose/go of her inner demons, so that by releasing them she could confront them, 

live/breathe them, and by the realization that they had possessed her she embraced it 

as a part of becoming the perfect black swan.

Or just a reminder that she wasn't strong enough to cope with life's darker sides 

and difficulties?

- To this point her whole life seemed to resonate with the Swan Lake story, but 

unlike the white swan she did in a way achieve her dream to play the role 

perfectly, breathe it and live it, - not letting anyone or anything take it 

away from her. 

[last lines]

Thomas Leroy: Nina, what did you do?

Nina: I felt it. Perfect. I was perfect.

THOUGHTS ON THE UNDERLYING 

THEMES OF THE MOVIE

Ever felt like you don't really know who you are? What you are doing and (why)? Are 

you just being good cause it's good to be good? Ever thought about your own desires, 

what's selfish and what's not?  Perhaps your own well being and happiness doesn't have 

to be entirely based on your own pleasures, but the person you become through the 

choices you make?  

Ever felt like you have some inner darkness, some unknown territory not yet 

explored? Suppressed? Maybe you have just been hiding from what you truly are? 

- Sometimes I wonder, can't I be anything, everything? I find every aspect of the 
human condition beautiful, even the darkest, deepest; wounds, sorrows, loneliness, 
loss, getting hurt, which are all emotions we need to experience as a journey through 
life, to become who we are as these hardships pushes us to think, learning to use our 
own power of reasoning in order to learn to choose to act rationally and with 
heart, not by fear or desire. And by developing your own thought you shape 
your identity, even though it seems to be an endless process...

DUST IN THE WIND ⎜ TIME ⎜MEMORIES

"Where did all the days go" by Rebecca Green

This song by Kansas called "Dust in the Wind" (1977) inspired me to write this post:

"I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone

All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea

All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind"

There's this subject that I never seem to get out of my mind, and that is the passing of time.

The fact that moments, seconds, minutes pass by so quickly, it's like it's gone already before I get 

the chance to grasp it. And sometimes I find myself unable to recall what I've done the last few 

days or weeks, which makes me start to question if that might reflect my inability to process all

the events, conversations, thoughts, writings that I encounter.  I believe part of it can be the

state of not being present in the moment which I think is better described as a "sleepwalker". 

- Unaware that your consciousness is somewhere else, it's like your mind is set to autopilot. 

Perhaps your mind has taken trivial, everyday events for granted and lost the curiousity for life

and just got lost somewhere in between.

Technology, different forms of light entertainment such as social media, internet, television is a 
time killer too I believe. Perhaps that's the answer to when we all say: "Where did all that time go?"

When we spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping, we shouldn't "sleep away" another half of our lives?

Distractions are everywhere, I tend to pull myself together and distance myself, and "disconnect"

from the internet world and impulses. In few words; focus, space, disposing time in a conscious matter.

It's a combination of how we process and treasure our memories, and also a way of thinking,

a mentality that always thinks forward, ahead of time, which in fact just serves as an 

illusion that distracts us from what is in front of us this very moment. Your reality is

now. Not next friday, or when summer finally arrives. If we have this kind of mentality

of always looking forward to the future, "future" has lost its value, for when the "future"

arrives, we won't even realize, cause we are already looking forward to next weekend, 

next event etc.

- Six Feet Under, TV series (2005) 

M E M O R I E S

by

Isabel H.R

Life is fluid, its constant movement keeps it ever changing, reflections and echoes of

past personas shattered all over, still invisible to some. There's no force that holds it

in one place. It's like a stormy sea that never stays the same. Memories, even memories find

a way to slip through your fingers, unless you keep them dear in a precious box. 

Events rise from above and dive back into the sea, though it's weightless, it sinks fading 

into a memory. The only things that stays throughout the storm is the bonds, the feelings 

that's been created with the people and the places you've met along the way, that is 

something which is beyond the measure of time.

But the day will come, when I must depart, leave all my belongings behind and sink into the 

bottomless sea - will there be any traces of me, flowing back up to the surface of the sea? 

Traces of thoughts, values, or loved ones that keep their idea of me in their memory. A picture

is the only thing that represent me physically. But is this really me, appearances are deceiving,

and pictures tells only one side of the story. What about all my writings whom I left alone on

my desk? Or perhaps a thought, a saying, led its singing way into someone else and lives on like a 

whispering wind? A form of consciousness in the present world, for the next generations to come.

I wonder if my mind will ever be echoed liked that, what a beautiful thing it would be.

- Just as little as you get to share of yourself with the the world, when you pass away, it's like

there's these fragments of you left shattered all over. No matter how transparent you felt your

 life and your influence on the world has been, there is this need for those in your family that comes 

after you to acknowledge your existence, because of this strange sense of belonging, cause you're all 

related to one another. What pieces will be left for your descendants to puzzle? 

I always believed my thoughts were best translated into paper, as a piece of writing. It's a 

neutral zone where I can write - think - reflect - write.  It enables me to observe objectively 

what I'm thinking. The whole thing is like a thought process. So in a way it's a way of 

confronting yourself, cause once thoughts are translated into words, you can't escape them, 

cause they are literally brought to life. There's so much going on in our minds, so much that

we might even not be aware of. But if you step back a little, and take time to dive into that

consciousness you might find a little seed, and bring it into life by starting writing about it. 

It's basically like taking a thought and develop it to a higher level. It broadens my whole 

awareness about who I want to be, what I believe in and how to communicate what's going 

on in my mind to the people that surrounds me and how I see myself in the midst of it all,

my place in the world.

I think how you should process, store and value your life events, days, months, hours is entirely

 up to each individual. The most important thing is that you're aware. Some people can go through 

life not even questioning themselves, and that's perhaps when you end up saying; "Where did my 

life go?" You have to be more aware about what you are doing and why you are doing it. A way

of processing and shaping your own reality.

Illustration, artist unknown

FANTASY ⎜ REALITY ⎜ IDENTITY

artwork by Andreas Lie

We are offered access to different kinds of worlds through numerous mediums like books, 

films and music. When our minds truly let go and we are completely immersed with that 

world that has invited us in, it's almost as if just for that moment, we are somewhere 

completely else.

Some might say, that what you would like to call fantasy or fiction is just a 

form of escapism. I, on the contrary, think it's an extension of the wonderful ability 

we have called imagination. Any forms of art is merely a platform to channel and 

visualize and share what's going on in our minds, - our thoughts and our imagination. 

It's like a cultural community. What we think, feel and see in our minds might say 

more about us as a person than what we can talk about and describe with mere 

words. It's all a part of what shapes our sense of identity.

"my head is a hive of words that won't settle" 
- Virginia Wolf

Being able to experience and immerse ourselves with different kinds of art forms, 

I believe it's more like an exploration of different ways of seeing reality. We all 

perceive and look at the world and people around us in our own way wether we're 

aware of it or not. So it's like a little peak into another persons mind, how they 

see and sense the world, through their eyes. This makes films, books and music a 

wonderful collective thing. Like a collective consciousness, where we learn to 

understand different outlooks on life, different thoughts and perspectives. All 

this is channelled through our imagination. It's a another way of communicating 

and connecting with people. 

artwork by Jiwoon Pak


Sometimes I've been wondering why I have a hard time communicating with 

new people, communicating my ideas that represent me and just giving them 

a slightest sense of who I am. But it's hard to communicate cause I'm being 

observed through a different lens.

We are talking
but no one is listening

where are all the people

no one is at my frequency

where are they - where am I?

You look

but what you see
is a reflection of yourself

you hear

but all you listen to 

is the echo of yourself

With this it's easy to feel disconnected with the world. You learn that no one 

can know you like you do. But still there is this urge within to share yourself 

with someone, even though you can still be independently happy.

"What does it mean, the right man?

The love of your life? The concept is absurd. 
The idea that we can only be complete with 

another person is evil."
- Before Sunrise, (1995) 

Back to the collective consciousness, this might be where you can share 

and discover feelings and thoughts you have in common with other people.

For instance, when you can relate to something on a personal level in for 

example a movie, or there is something about the music in the film that 

resonates within you, if that other person shared a similar feeling, it occurs

a mutual understanding on some level. It could be a good foundation or 

starting point for getting to know one another. Or if you shared your own 

imaginative work, wether it's a piece of poetry, drawing or a photograph. 

Regardless of its content, it's one small piece of yourself that you offer. 

In that sense it could be an alternative way of communicating, connecting 

with another person.

Or to share both of your individual views on a film, artwork or music 

piece, could reveal a lot about your personalities. What a person choose to 

see, tells a whole lot about them, doesn't it?
This approach might be a good starting point;

"My perception of reality is different from yours,

but can we meet on the crossroad of our different 

worlds and exchange some thoughts?"

artwork by Yumi Sakugawa

Our imagination says something profound about of our sense of identity.

We can connect with other people through so many things. There's no limits; 

To listen, to feel, to touch, to know, to share, to write, to trust, by eye contact, 

by a moment of silence, by sharing memories and the list goes on...

Fiction and fantasy might be just as much part of reality, as the "reality" we 

have been taught to see. Reality is defined by the very person that perceives 

the world and life through his own senses, his own pair of eyes, his own mind.

I love this little quote from the film

Alice Through The Looking Glass:

"Alice: But a dream is not reality. 
Mad Hatter: But who is to say which is which" 

It's like we always look for terms and definitions of things that is nothing else 

than a restriction. When we have such abilities as our own imagination, 

why would we try to limit it?

"If the dream is a translation of waking life,
waking life is also a translation of the dream"
- Rene Magritte

A JOURNEY TO PORTUGAL

A Journey To Portugal from isabelle H.R on Vimeo.

T R A V E L  V I D E O

A short travel video I made from my two week long trip to Portugal.

The music is the portuguese music style fado performed by

Amália Rodrigues. The places displayed in the video are

cascais ⎮ lisbon ⎮ obidos ⎮sintra

I tried to capture a small piece of Portugal's

soul for those who haven't been there before, so they might get a
little glimpse of what the feeling of the culture and country is like.

COULDN'T FLY ⎜ ILLUSTRATION

This was a tiny text I wrote a while ago. 

But the words has always somehow been in

the back of my head. I like the simplicity

of it, yet it can still be quite profound.

One of the birds couldn't fly.

The other birds helped him

but never wondered why

For me it's based on the thought of a lot

of young people, that despite having their

family/friends around, feels alienated in the bigger 

picture. The people who are supposed to be dear 

to them, doesn't really know them. The sad part is that 

they think they understand the individual, but the truth 

is they are not even curious what's on the mind of their

loved one. Especially parents fail to know their

children's true person.  The most fundamental aspects of 

a good relationship is lost and they don't even see it.

Such ignorance they can be so unaware of. 

And the youth is left with a sense of loneliness, 

even though their closest ones are right there.

All pictures taken by Isabel H.R

FARMOR OG FARFAR

K A R I N    ⎮    B J A R N E

This little piece is for my grandparents,

Karin and Bjarne.

They got married in 1949. 

I remember the story of the two of them

being recently an official couple and my

grandfather studied abroad in Newcastle and

my grandmother received numerous letters in

the mail from my grandfather, and at one

point the mail man said:

"I think he must be in love!"

to my grandmother. It's a little bit clichè,

but it's something so sweet about it.

She always tells the story with such 

enthusiasm and a little touch of humour 

even though she's 88. She's my proof that 

age is just a number, age might give you a few

practical restrictions, but if you're young

at heart, no one can say anything against

that your philosophy of life is wrong.

I just saw a documentary about the pianist

Alice Herz Sommer, a 109 year old woman

who was the oldest pianist and holocaust 

survivor until her death in early 2014.
In the midst of the german invasion in

Prague, she was asked to play, and she

played concerts which seemed to take

everyone even the german officers away

from the harsh reality. There were even

guards listening from the outside through

the window. It is a beautiful reminder

of what music can do and how 

significant it really is.

But the point of mentioning Alice is her 

appreciation, spark and outlook on life. 

Through music which she says brings 

her to another world, she has learned 

to see the beauty about life. 

People always see disadvantages about

getting old, but I believe that as long as

your mind is intact and clear, you have the

time of your life to immerse yourself

with the things you love, and just stay in

it, be it, create your own sense of reality in it.

And you can't be selfish about it, cause

you're old. 

But she mentioned that you have to get this 

old to realize life's beauty. It's a interesting 

statement, but I think that depends 

more on the individual. I suppose I would 

have to get old first to answer that, as I'm 

looking at my life in retrospective.

I myself have not experienced that kind 

of love my grandparents have yet, but 

if I do I would be forever grateful.

I do believe there's something special,

something more to love, like it surpasses

reality, I think the bonds we create

is not for granted even though in the end

we die alone, and we are sepparated. 

I think love goes beyond the dimensions of 

reality, and it's something worth living for

I believe. Just like the music,

the passion, for Alice Sommer, it's her

own sense of something otherworldly, 

something holy.

All pictures taken by Isabel H.R